


just pretend you don't know (your story is obvious)

by zhujungjungting (runswithchopsticks)



Series: they become my medals [4]
Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study (of a sort), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 12:16:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13007574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runswithchopsticks/pseuds/zhujungjungting
Summary: "They’re a family, they’ve always been, but the lines between bond and distance blur with the wind of time and a ghost of separation and longing."





	just pretend you don't know (your story is obvious)

**Author's Note:**

> lmao woops the amount of Easter eggs I've left in this fic are a little too obvious

_start._

* * *

“Let us become a group that Minhyun can say he is proud of.”

The words ring through Jonghyun’s ears. He can see them in front of his eyes, taste them upon his lips, and visualize them in the way Minhyun looks back at him through the screen -- or maybe Minhyun is not looking at him, because this is simply video Minhyun, the Minhyun that doesn’t realize that Jonghyun is looking at him and only him.

There is no such thing as communication between them. Jonghyun’s phone lights up. _Min--_ it’s Minki. He wants to know if they have any green onions left in the fridge and if he should buy more or not.

Maybe there is something telepathically there. Something spiritual, perhaps? Jonghyun sees the Minhyun through the video, and it appears as if Minhyun’s looking at him, even though Minhyun knows he’s not there. Does Minhyun feel the same way too? Jonghyun doesn’t even know if he’s aware of what’s going on with the remaining four of them. They’re a family, they’ve always been, but the lines between bond and distance blur with the wind of time and a ghost of separation and longing.

He sits there, right at the table they all used to sit at -- there’s five chairs, there’s always been five chairs, and that stack of books in the corner has always had five covers on it. If Jonghyun places his index finger atop the first book and swipes, he picks up a following of dust. He stares at where his finger had been. It is the only clean spot atop the book’s plastic casing. It’s right over the _M. Memorabilia of the Three Kingdoms._ Romance, war, and regret. Why do these words feel so unreal to Jonghyun? It’s like they don’t even exist in his vocabulary, but for some reason, they stick with him throughout the rest of his day.

Today isn’t doing much. It is doing nothing, mostly. They are boys, they are men, and Aron comes up and wraps his arms around Jonghyun’s shoulders, but Jonghyun feels detached for today. He sees video Minhyun in his head, and he wonders if video Minhyun is having a day -- well, what kind of day? Jonghyun doesn’t know what he wishes video Minhyun to feel about his day.

But he just places an elbow atop his knee, resting his chin on his hand, and he stares at the stack of books in front of him. They’re ruffled with Minhyun’s fingerprints. Jonghyun can visualize then-Minhyun sitting next to him, rifling through the pages. They’d make sounds similar to the wind brushing across the overgrown grass of a secluded beach, and if Jonghyun were to dip his toes into the warm sand, he thinks that they’d maybe feel similar to how the ridged pages of the worn paperback in his palms feel.

Minhyun has always preferred his hardcovers. That’s why _Memorabilia_ is a hardcover. It is a book about romance, war, and regret. When Jonghyun places his palm atop the smooth surface, he can almost feel Minhyun’s hand against his.

How much does video Minhyun love _Memorabilia?_ How much does video Minhyun love Jonghyun?

Jonghyun, maybe he is not a book, but he is certainly Minhyun’s _book_ \-- a closed hardcover that sits in the back of the shelves of an old worn bookshop in the middle of a suburban town, an off-white sidewalk lined in front of its door, which is one of those wooden ones with the glass marbled window and the bell attached to the handle. Jonghyun giddily grabs Minhyun’s wrist and pushes open the door. The bell jingles, there’s soft laughter from Minhyun as he allows himself to be tugged along. There’s no one there to greet them, only the mismatched patchwork of rugs covering uneven wooden planks of the floor and rows upon rows of shelves that overflow with books, many having formed stacks on the floor and in the aisle down the shop.

In the back of the shop, there will be Jonghyun’s book. Nobody comes to find him besides himself and Minhyun. But Minhyun will be the first one to flip open the pages, and he will be the only one to finally close the book and hold it against his chest. His palm will be pressed against the back cover, warm and firm, and he will take it with him wherever he goes.

Does video Minhyun have that book with him now?

Jonghyun runs his fingertips over the edge of _Memorabilia’s_ hardcover. His phone lights up again. _Min--_ it’s Minki. He wants to know if they are out of tomatoes. Jonghyun doesn’t even remember the last time they ate tomatoes.

Does video Minhyun look at video Jonghyun and wonder the same thing? When they stare into each other’s eyes through the screen, is Jonghyun the only one who is thinking -- feeling -- touching this? His fingers curl over the picture of Minhyun on his phone screen. If they could meet through glass, would Minhyun’s fingertips be against his? It feels as if he is looking through a one-way mirror -- he can see Minhyun, but Minhyun cannot see him.

Jonghyun’s heart, at this point, is solely consisting of wishes, dreams, memories, and hopes. He thinks of becoming something that he sees in his head. It’s right under his nose, and it’s tousled in Minhyun’s eyes and body, and Jonghyun could be selfish and wish to share it with Minhyun, or he can be himself and he can look through the screen and spend his compliments and prayers. If they could manifest physically, they’d all be given to Minhyun, because it’s the least Jonghyun could do for him after all he’s done for Jonghyun.

He remembers: there is Minhyun sitting next to him -- the thin amount of light escaping the filtering of the blinds of the window next to him frame his face oddly, and they emphasize the shadows beneath his eyes, the dips and rises of his cheeks, the curve of his nose. Minhyun notices Jonghyun staring at him, and he raises his head to meet Jonghyun’s gaze.

And then when Minhyun grabs onto him and kisses him, even now Jonghyun doesn’t know if it’s an emotion he’s slowly come to learn over the course of six--no, reaching seven now--years, or that it’s only just recently begun to bud inside him like the new petals of the spring’s first flowers, or if it’s a beast hidden inside him that only chooses to awaken when its treasure is threatened. But when he pulls Minhyun as close as he can and grips him so viciously and roughly, holding onto him like he’s his lifeline, he then and now decides that the closest thing that unknown emotion resembles is that of love.

What is Jonghyun to Minhyun? What is video Minhyun to Jonghyun? And what might video Jonghyun be to Minhyun? There is no such thing as communication between them. Maybe something spiritual, perhaps?

Jonghyun’s phone lights up. _Min--_ it’s Minki. He wants to know if Dongho wanted the milk with the omega-3 or the vitamin D. Jonghyun immediately opens the texting window. _Min--_ it’s not Minki’s name he taps on the screen.

_Let us become a group that Minhyun can say he is proud of._

The words ring through his ears like a bell. Was he the one who said them?

His finger hovers over the message bar. _Min--_ no, it’s not Minki’s name at the very top of the screen.

_“You have done nothing for us but the best, Jonghyun,” Minhyun whispers, “We could never have asked for a better person to be our leader. I can’t imagine living the past six years being in a group with a leader who isn’t you. If it were up to me to choose a different path for our group, but with someone else as our leader, I wouldn’t do so. Even despite our struggles, even despite the huge chance that we’ll fail, I’ll always choose to be in a Nu’est with you. Dongho, Minki, Aron, and I… we’re all barely holding it together by a thread, but the reason we’ve survived for so long and still fight to be together as a team is because of you, Jonghyun. You’ve helped us keep it together. It’s you…”_

Will Minhyun be proud? Is he now? Will he be in the future?

 _Min--_ no, it’s not Minki’s name that Jonghyun types. _I miss you. Are you proud of us?_

_Are you alright, Min--_

 

_\--hyun?_

* * *

_fin._


End file.
